Yes or No to Premarital Sex– some random thoughts.

This question has been sparked by an upcoming book of Poonam Uppal called A Passionaate Gospel of True Love. Before answering this question I’ll like to divide into two parts:

1) I’m not against the Premarital sex. 

Marriage is not a punishment or a chain to bind anyone with. Instead it’s a voluntary promise of love and a voluntary promise of being together in ups and downs. So marriage is not about taking saat pheres or being in the church and exchanging rings or saying Qubool hai even. Two people can be as good as married without being officially married. The stamp of marriage doesn’t change the feelings or the needs of the people.

As long as the sex is consensual, I don’t think it’s wrong.  By consensual, I don’t mean just the verbal consent. There are times when sex becomes more of an obligation, a response to peer pressure, or sometimes a response to societal pressure (Think about Daenerys in Game of Thrones). That kind of sex, whether before marriage or after marriage, brings only pain.

Otherwise, I don’t believe that sex should be defined by marriage. Like love cannot be defined by marriage, sex also shouldn’t be caged like that. Every sex after marriage isn’t good, and every sex before marriage is not wrong.  More than marriage, what matters is the intention.

2) I still am against indiscriminate sex: 

One of the books that I read in 2014 was Daughter of Smoke and Bone. There is a point of view expressed in it which I also believe in:

“I don’t know many rules to live by,’ he’d said. ‘But here’s one. It’s simple. Don’t put anything unnecessary into yourself. No poisons or chemicals, no fumes or smoke or alcohol, no sharp objects, no inessential needles–drug or tattoo–and…no inessential penises either.’

I am of the belief that body is a temple and one should respect one’s body. That includes the sexual interactions as well. Sex is not a way to get over someone. Neither is it a way to gain social acceptance. I’ve seen girls going for sex only because “They are still virgins”.  Sex is not a status symbol or a way to prove yourself desirable. It should not be the cure to the boredom as well. I’ve seen all those reasons being used as the reason to have sex.

I personally don’t care about marriage, but I do believe that if you’re allowing someone to touch you, you should have some kind of connection first with them. I’m not talking of the “one night bam-bam, next morning bye-bye” kind of connection. But we don’t bare our finances/vunerabilities/secrets to every Tom, Dick and Harry, then why would we treat our bodies like this?

I am a bit old fashioned in the manner that I can’t be a participant of any act casually. I form bonds very quickly. So for me, sex is an extension of emotional attachment. It’s an act which involves not only the joining of bodies but trust that other person will keep my emotions safe.

3) I won’t judge someone for either of the things.

What I said above is how I treat sex for myself. I’m nobody to judge other’s actions. So, whether you’re having sex daily with different person or having some other socially unacceptable(but consensual) sexual relation, it doesn’t matter to me really. I won’t question anybody’s choices just because they’re different from me.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. RamisaR
    Dec 31, 2014 @ 17:47:21

    This is a wonderful response to a controversial topic. Consent and intention are the prime components to sex. Marriage shows possession rather than those two important keywords.

    Although I didn’t end up finishing Daughter of Smoke and Bone, that quote is fantastically witty response. And I agree wholeheartedly with your remark regarding sex and status; isn’t it worrying how sometimes people have sex simply to lose their virginity and meet societal expectations? It rarely makes them happy, because it isn’t for themselves, but for society.

    Also, I adored your last paragraph, too. Our views belong to us. We are completely at liberty to form our own opinions, beliefs and values, but we should also offer (as you have expressed) others the same right. Actually, I agree with every element of this post –very eloquently expressed, too.


    • parichitasingh
      Dec 31, 2014 @ 19:51:30

      Thank you so much for stopping by with your views. I loved that quote from Daughter of Smoke and Bone, so much so that it’s etched on every page of my 2014 calendar. It feels like a lesson I should include in my life. 😛


  2. Sunny
    Feb 12, 2015 @ 20:11:01

    All i have to say is India is developing and so the thoughts. We are copying west, forgetting our culture, none of us are ready to compromise and so many of marriages are meeting early ends, India is no more a country where marriage was being fixed by families, now no society involvement, its all about individuals choice, mainly in metros, courtrooms are busy with these dramas, and trust me the more we got open on these topics more we decreased our values. Freedom is good but it is dangerous as well. Sex, may be a fuel to go further but love matters, Relation matters. It is a sensitive topic i don’t know i am saying right thing or wrong but i am clear that if there is love nothing is wrong, and if there is no love nothing can make it right.
    Well, You made me laugh with your remark “one night bam-bam, next morning bye-bye”….

    Take Care, Keep Writing.
    Jai Shri Krishna


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