Tu Na Jaane Aas Paas Hai Khuda (You don’t know but God is nearby)

Have there been times in your life when you feel that everything is going against you? The kind of time when it feels that universe doesn’t want to be happy? I am not in that phase right now, but when the advertisements about optimism popping up on behalf of Housing (a new property search company) and all the uncertainty around me about being transferred to Mumbai for my job (more about that later), I was transported to that time for few minutes.

This was in the year 2011. It had been an year since I separated from my husband and divorce proceedings were underway. There was a lot of tension in my family regarding my insufficient attempts about reconciliation etc. That was when I decided to buy my own car. I didn’t know driving then, but I had this belief that everything in my life will change if I learned driving. Now when I think about it, it was more about having control of at least one thing in life.

I had always dreamed of having my first car as black in color. My brother told me to buy an old car and learn driving first, my friends were skeptical about my driving skills. My parents told me to at least buy a color which won’t show that many scratches, but still I was adamant.

I brought the car and hired a driver to help me learn the driving. The first day I sat on the driver seat of the car, I banged my already-stopped car in a bus. All those warnings rang again in my ears. The driver who was designated to the passenger seat was bewildered that why didn’t I kept the brake pressed, why didn’t I put the car in neutral. I just gave him the keys and asked him to drive to my office. It’s difficult to explain that feeling of despair, but when almost everyone asked me what happened to my “new” car again and again, I was ready to go home and sell back my one-day old car at half the price. Probably I would have done so as well if not for the radio–my best friend.

While returning, I was mulling over the fact on how my family will laugh, on how I cannot master this simple thing in my life, and more than that, on how good luck and God had forsaken me, when this song came up on radio:

I had heard this song many times earlier as well, but this time song filled me with an energy, with the hope that even if everyone turns into a stranger, that God will never leave me, that there’s someone who is guiding me through these paths. That there’s somebody who’ll hold my hand even if the accidents happened.

Now, I know driving and let me tell you, I’m a much better driver than my brother and many other people who laughed at me at that time. I am proud of my accomplishment. Do I feel that I was stupid at that time? I do, but then I understand why it was important for me to drive myself then. It was one sane thing in all the chaos around me, one thing that I could win.

And the song is still the one source of inspiration for me, and it has the way of cropping up when I’m too sad. A few days back my company announced that we are shifting to Mumbai. It is not necessarily a bad thing, but then I have lived in Delhi for whole thirty years of my life. It will be a HUGE change. It will be an understatement to say that I was worried. I was almost in hysterics, thinking all the worst case scenarios, wondering about the very high rates of property. But then while traveling in the metro, someone’s phone got bonkers and this song started playing on the speaker mode instead of headphones. I know again this might sound like a some random happening, but to me it felt like cosmos is trying to tell me that I won’t ever be alone.

That’s my story on how a simple song, one that has lost itself to the crowd of new songs, can still instil that sense of confidence in me.

P.S.– To all my Mumbai friends, be ready to welcome me. I have to be there before 1st April.

P.P.S.– Do check out the site of Housing.  Awesome, awesome design.

P.P.P.S- No, the worst case scenarios are not yet solved. The property rates are still my worry, but then I have realized that there are some things fated and predestined, some paths made for me specifically. Probably one such path is in Mumbai.